From a young age, I’ve always found joy in caring for others. Whether it was planning a party, cooking a meal, handling administrative tasks, or simply giving without expecting anything in return, my heart was overjoyed when I could bring a smile to someone’s face. There’s something truly amazing about completing a task for someone out of pure love—a selfless act that encapsulates the essence of caregiving.
Caregiving is not just a role; it’s a calling. I often think about the women who came before me—the Harriet Tubmans, Mary Eliza Mahoneys, and Florence Nightingales of the world—who were natural caregivers long before any formal training. Their actions were driven by an innate sense of duty and compassion, qualities that resonate deeply with me.
But what happens when you find yourself at the crossroads of being a loved one versus being a caregiver? This is a place I’ve been before, and it’s one of the most difficult decisions to make. I remember vividly the moment I had to step back and let a professional caregiver take over. It was with my grandfathers, strong, heroic men who had always seemed ageless to me. Seeing them weak and vulnerable was something I couldn’t easily accept.
As loved ones, we often push our loved ones beyond their capacity, fueled by our memories of who they once were. This can lead to caregiver burnout—a real and serious issue. We see our loved ones as they were before they began to decline, and in our minds, they remain unchanged. I will never forget the moment when my grandmother, with tears in her eyes, held my hand and told me it was time to consider hospice care. I felt a tear fall, not just because of the inevitable, but because I realized I needed to release my loved one from the burden of being strong and allow them to live comfortably in their final days. This was our new normal, and it was time to embrace it.
Not even a month before, I had faced a similar situation with my other grandfather. How could I be at this crossroad again so quickly? As caregivers, we often put on blinders to protect ourselves, forgetting that our loved ones are living in a new reality. Whether it’s dementia, cancer, Parkinson’s, or simply aging, we try to create a bubble to slow the progression, to hold on to what remains. But in doing so, we sometimes lose sight of what’s most important: the quality of life for both our loved ones and ourselves.
It’s easy to become frustrated, confused, and even angry when our loved ones can no longer understand what’s real or not. We suffer two losses—we lose them, and we stop living ourselves. But let me assure you that choosing to bring in a caregiver does not mean your loved one’s life is coming to an immediate end. It doesn’t mean you’ll go broke or that you have to stop living. Caregivers are there to meet your family’s needs, right where you are.
Statistics show that loved ones acting as caregivers often suffer in many ways, including physically, emotionally, and mentally.
· Physical and Emotional Strain: According to the National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP, about 21% of caregivers report their own health as fair or poor, up from 17% in 2015. The physical and emotional toll of caregiving is significant, with many caregivers experiencing chronic conditions like heart disease or depression.
· Time Commitment: The Family Caregiver Alliance reports that the average caregiver spends over 24 hours per week providing care. For those caring for a loved one with dementia, this number can increase to over 40 hours per week.
· Mental Health Impact: A survey by the American Psychological Association found that nearly 70% of caregivers report feeling significant emotional stress, and 40% to 70% of caregivers exhibit clinically significant symptoms of depression.
· Burnout Rates: According to the Cleveland Clinic, caregiver burnout is reported in 20-30% of caregivers. This includes feelings of exhaustion, anxiety, and a sense of hopelessness, which can lead to a decline in both the caregiver’s and the care recipient’s well-being.
· Work Impact: The National Alliance for Caregiving reports that 61% of caregivers are also working, and many report difficulties managing both roles. About 10% of these working caregivers have to reduce their work hours or take a leave of absence, contributing to increased stress and burnout.
Selecting a caregiver is a brave decision, one that allows you to be the best loved one you can be. It enables you to focus on quality time and making memories with your loved one, without the overwhelming burden of caregiving.
So, what are you waiting for? It’s time to make the choice that’s right for both you and your loved one, and that choice might just be bringing in a caregiver.
Your #1 Caregiver Natasha Ajeti , RN